Today, when things happening in my life have put me in front of the same dilemma, again and again, I am back to being confused and angry at myself for inability to make a final decision. It is written in the Mishna “Say little and do much” (Avoth 1:15) It seems that all I do is talk, and do nothing.

I am looking at my life ahead, however many years are left, and am wondering what will these years look like.

I see two roads, and both of them seem almost equally painful lacking the most important thing there is for me – true love. Looking at the eternity waiting after this world, I keep remembering the words of the only person closest to my heart:

“Там, где земля встречается с небом
Я стою и смотрю вверх”

Where the earth meets the sky
There I stand looking up

My poor translation

And knowing that nothing can be repeated, and no-one is capable of substituting the dream, I am reminded on another one of my favorites:

“Ты лучше голодай, чем что попало есть,
И лучше будь один, чем вместе с кем попало” – Omar Khayyám

You better starve, than eat whatever
And better be alone, than with whoever.”
― Omar Khayyám, Rubaiyat

So, today it seems, I am lacking courage again. And, I am not going to make the final decision again, I suspect. But I will keep these words in mind every day until I do:

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow.”
-Mary Anne Radmacker-Huskey

Tomorrow will be another day. And I will make new / old plans keeping these words in mind too: