We are within The Days of Awe, The Days of Repentance, the days we are supposed to look inside and resolve to be better, to forgive others. To forgive ourselves. It is so easy to forgive others. Everyone has a story, a reason, a pain they cannot deal with, and therefore, are hurting those who are just standing next to them. I can understand, and except for deliberate murder, I can forgive. At least, now, I think I can.

How does one forgive oneself? If there is no-one anymore to ask for forgiveness? Or, is there? The souls of our loved ones are not too far, are they?

 

Pain

Now and again

Now and forever

For body and mind

Easy to tolerate

Pain of the soul

Never gives up

Refuses to leave

Now and Forever

How much longer?

 

Every year I pray – “next year in Jerusalem!”

Another one gone, passed with the speed of a train – express

Where did I go? Where did my time?

Am I still on the the road

To Jerusalem?

 

 

Making a brave face

My heart is sinking again

To the bottom of that pit

Where your body lies

My tears fly up against gravity

To the bottom of that sky

Where your soul dwels

For almost twenty years

Why am I still here?

 

No calm, no peace

Not at home

Not at shul

Not even praying in the ancient language I’ve learned without you

Dreaming about you

In the city of our dreams

In the land we never walked hand-in-hand

Will we ever meet again?

 

The day is coming

When my soul should be clean

Repent, they say

I’ve been cleaning it for twenty years

Why did I let you go?

 

Summer is gone

Your favorite fall’s rain is falling on my soul

Every day

Bringing me closer to that dreadful morning

When you left me

Twenty years ago

How will I live through this, Gd?

 

Hold me tight

With your kind glance

With you soft smile

With your sweet lips

If not now

Then, in eternity?

 

 

By now so many of you are gone.

You can get a a big table

At a heavenly joint

And gossip about

Us, mere mortals.