Last year, on this day I wrote something:

Pain, scream, blood, night – again and again in my family
How many times, G-d?
Loving eyes asking me silently “why this torture?” – again and again
How many times, G-d?
Sparkles of hope come and go – again and again
How many times, G-d?
Girls of my family asking – again and again
When will it stop, G-d?
What did we do to You, G-d? Please make it stop!

Remembering one man and hoping for the health of the other. Both were the closest in my life ever.

I married one 34 years ago. That was a gloomy day, raining. Once we started signing our marriage certificate, the sun came out, and the birds started chirping. It seems like a lifetime away, and yet so close.

I was born to the other more than half a century ago. The soft glance of his blue eyes will remain with me until my last breath. And he is also gone now.

But today, strangely enough, I am still hopeful for good things in my life.

Did I start to believe in Gd more? Not sure. Maybe, I’ve just allowed myself to see more of His presence in life. I have released myself from a relationship that was meant to be something else than I planned for, and allowed it to remain a good friendship.

I am amazed at my daughters that were able to claim the best from the legacy of the men in our family. I am hopeful for them, and I know no matter what – they’ve grown into incredibly great human beings.

I have the greatest nieces and grandnieces that now know and can do more than I could ever imagine at their age.

I have the greatest, most humble, and most sensitive woman in my life. They don’t make them like this anymore, I always say. And we are family!

And, I am so thankful for my mother – still much stronger than I can ever be.

So, indeed, He does not sleep, nor slumbers.

Here’s to the better times!