Back to the Darkness … Again?!!

These days are not like one another.

G-d! I try! I try hard. I succeed … sometimes. I wake up. I smile. I even sing. And then I dance – the dance of a shot-down swan…

Music is supposed to lift a person up. Not me. For me, it brings back tears. My love, my yearning. For the person, I lost, for the place I cannot attain.

Ironically, the words from the song so far from my Jewish life are piercing my ears. No translation to English, sorry:

Душу, сбитую утратами да тратами,
Душу, стертую перекатами,-
Если до крови лоскут истончал,-
Залатаю золотыми я заплатами –
Чтобы чаще Господь замечал!

Why did you leave me?
Again, and again, I ask, tears down my cheeks
Via my broken neck through my squeezed out heart to the depth of my soul
Will you never come back? From eternity.


I am looking at the tiny ring
Somehow loose on my finger now
A fortune for us then, mine – yours diamond speck forever


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